My sons heart

  So this post is going to be a long one its going to take time to write and I might (although I will try to not) say some things I don't mean to only that I'm angry and venting over something I have held back for 11 years so it started like this I met a guy I liked I was 14 I didn't know him but when I met him I immediately liked him I saw him a few times out and about while visiting friends then I went away for awhile and when I went back home I got a call one night from him and we started hanging out lil here lil there then one day or night rather we did something we shouldn't have and I ended up a pregnant teen it wasnt the best thing to happen at the time but this was the best thing that had ever happened to me ever! It started off like this I found out called him didn't get in touch with him he called me and first thing I hear is how do u know that it's mine ? My answer was hmm let's see I haven't been with anyone else and for the next 8 months I met with him twice one time to talk about it the next when my stepfather and his friend decided to confront him for the things he was saying ya know I tried to not let it bother me that he said it wasn't his to others and that to some he'd say we'll she made me or got me drunk I mean I heard so many crazy stories don't know what's real but what is real is he has yet to man up and all I'd ever wanted was both my kids parents to be in their lives but you can't force someone to be parent and its sad but when I had Brian  I called him to let him know even though he never called to see how things were and always acted as if he cared less that he was having a kid I still though I should call to tell him he's a father of a healthy boy and when I did the response was not what I expected I was confused this guy this 19 year old man that always showed me that he wanted nothing to do with this baby yells at me for not telling him when I went into the hospital so he could be there for the birth of his kid I was flabbergasted speechless I was like uh really r you kidding no way can this guy be for real but whatever that's great he actually does care for this baby he did try to come by the house once I hadn't gotten home yet and for the longest I couldn't tell if he actually did come by no note or anything but my husband told me that this Is  years later tells me that he and a friend had actually gone with him to my house to see the baby which I think is so funny I had not met my husband at that point ever but he entered in and out of my life from then on in odd funny ways but that's for another post newho not long after his mother and two younger sibs came by to see Brian that was great I was happy that that part of his family was going to be around I'm greatful for that I'm happy that he has his aunt uncle and cousins although he doesn't get to see or talk to them much now he knows that they are accepting of  him and that means the world to him so when Brian was three month old I tracked down where his father was because Brian had an infection and needed meds and I couldn't afford them so I went to the only other person his father and he was cold and it was awkward he showed that he didn't care not one bit and he didn't help and it angered me that was the first and last time I ever asked him for money help or any help now from time to time I saw his mother and grandmother when Brian was young and there was a point that Brian got to see them a lot which was awesome so when I met mike my husband Brian was 16 months old and Brian liked him so much it was awesome to have a male figure in his life and within a few month wew were a family and have been ever since now ever since the beginning Brian has been told about his father I never talked bad of him to Brian I would never do that I always feel that a child needs and deserves both parents it's essential for kids to have a relationship with their mothers and fathers no matter what kind of person the parents are or how much they don't like each other anyways we've always told Brian that mike  is mike and you can call him mike or dad and for awhile it was just mike then he started calling him dad and mike now its dad always and never mike now of corse this wasnt right away number one Brian was too young and two we had just started dating of corse but once Brian was older and we were certain that we were serious we sat him down and told  him how it was and I've always told him about his  bio dad who he is and that he's there I think he's struggled with the fact that he didn't have him in s life even though when I speak to him about it he states that it doesn't bother him it has to on some level. Now when Brian was 3 his bio dad started coming around and this happened to be the me time mike and I were planning our upcoming wedding now I don't know why he decided to want to see him I didn't care I did however care for Brian's safety and did not trust for him to be alone with Brian I just didn't so anytime he wanted to see Brian I was always staying during the visit , which was never at my house due to mike not liking Brian's father since before I knew mike . So we all went elsewhere and that was that now that lasted a few months then it ended as quickly as it began and I think it was a mix of things which is again for another post anyways that was the only time he ever did get to spend time with his bio dad now for the past few years Brian has been asking if it would be possible for mike to adopt him and be his only father and have his last name it's been important for him and mike and I would also like this but to me mike will always be his dad no matter what legal papers or names are so Brian decided he wanted to contact his b dad and ask him to sign his rights over so that mike can be his father legally and have Hamilton as his last name now everyone I had talked to about this said of corse he will say yes to him why wouldn't he its not like he ever sees or talks to him now we do live many states away but he's never called either so I honestly think he doesn't want kids but anyways everyone though he'd just be okay with it but not me I knew he would say no now I don't know the reasons but I suspect it has to do with selfishness and maybe he does want to have a relationship with Brian just doesn't know how . Maybe I will never know so anyways Brian wrote down what he wanted to say and called him now from what Brian says he told him he would have to think about it so a few days go by and I get a text stating oh btw your answer is no now I figured he'd be like   That but I also really wanted Brian to get what he's wanted for awhile I'm guessing maybe Brian's father wants to reconnect or maybe he thinks that this isn't what Brian wants idk honestly it's all crazy but I texted him back had a few things I needed to say but he says he loves Brian and if he'd had the chance he'd be there for Brian but that makes nosense due to the fact that no one and nothing has kept him from the chance of having a relationship with Brian but himself now that angered me because I've neve ever kept him from talking or seeing Brian ever ugh so much to deal with and now I have to be the one to break  my sons heart about this but anyways I just felt like venting and maybe someone has sme insight they can share with me by the way  he has to pay child support he has never paid until I got on Medicaid and they forced me to file I  didn't want to because I don't want anything from this guy and what I wanted more was Brian to have both parents in his life now I also figured maybe he would say yes due to the support he has to pay so now that he's not signing his rights over maybe he does want to know Brian but he hasn't called or wrote Brian and I don't know why if he cares so much why doesn't he show it?? Thanks for reading and suggestions and prayers are welcome !